Feeling “Roommate Syndrome”? 5 Small Habits to Bring the Spark Back
It happens so slowly you don’t even notice it.
At the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You stayed up until 2 AM just talking. You texted all day.
Then, life happened. Jobs got stressful. Maybe kids came along. The mortgage needed paying.
Now, your conversations sound like a business meeting: “Did you pay the electric bill?” “What do we need from the grocery store?” “Did you take the dog out?”
You still love each other. You function perfectly as a team. But that electric feeling? That sense of being chosen? It’s gone. You are officially in “Roommate Mode.”
I want you to know something: This is normal. Every long-term relationship hits this plateau. It doesn’t mean you are falling out of love; it just means you have stopped prioritizing connection.
The good news? You don’t need a grand romantic vacation to fix it. You just need small, intentional micro-habits. Here are 5 tiny things that shifted the energy in my relationship.
1. The “6 Second Kiss” Rule
Dr. John Gottman, a famous relationship researcher, swears by this.
Most of us give our partners a quick “peck” on the cheek when we leave for work or say goodnight. It’s automatic. It feels like nothing.
The rule is simple: Every kiss must last for at least 6 seconds.
Why 6 seconds? It’s just long enough to stop being “automatic.” You have to actually stop what you are doing and pay attention to your partner. It signals to your brain (and theirs) that this is a romantic moment, not a transaction.
Try it tonight when they get home. It will feel awkward for the first 2 seconds, and then it will feel amazing.
2. The “Weather Report” Check-In
When we ask “How was your day?”, we usually get a generic answer: “Fine. Busy. Yours?”
Stop asking about the logistics. Start asking about the “Internal Weather.”
Instead of “What did you do today?”, ask:
“What was the best part of your day, and what was the hardest part?”
This forces a real conversation. Maybe the hardest part was a rude boss. Maybe the best part was a funny podcast. Suddenly, you are connecting with their feelings, not just their schedule.
3. No Phones in Bed (For 10 Minutes)
Our phones are the romance killers. We lay in bed next to the person we love, scrolling through Instagram feeds of strangers.
Make a pact: The first 10 minutes after you get into bed are a “Phone Free Zone.”
You don’t have to have deep conversations. You can just lay there. You can hold hands. You can gossip about the neighbors. The point is that for those 10 minutes, your partner is more interesting than your screen.
4. The “Thank You” for the Invisible Tasks
In Roommate Mode, we start taking things for granted. We expect them to do the dishes. We expect them to drive.
Start thanking them for the things they are “supposed” to do.
- “Thank you for making coffee this morning.”
- “Thanks for handling that annoying call with the insurance company.”
When people feel appreciated, they soften. They lean in. Resentment grows in the absence of gratitude.
5. Flirt via Text (Like You Used To)
Remember when your name popping up on their phone gave them butterflies?
Now, your texts are probably just grocery lists. Disrup the pattern. Send a text at 2 PM that has nothing to do with the house or the kids.
- “You looked really good in that shirt this morning.”
- “I’m thinking about you.”
- “Can’t wait to see you tonight.”
It takes 10 seconds to type, but it reminds them that they are still your crush, not just your co-manager of the household.
Final Thoughts
Breaking out of Roommate Syndrome doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in these small moments. It happens when you choose to put the phone down. It happens when you choose to kiss them for 4 seconds longer.
You don’t have to overhaul your whole life. Just start with the kiss.
Tell me in the comments: Which of these habits feels the most “doable” for you right now? I challenge you to try the 6-second kiss tonight!
